i miss it

I kinda miss how things were.

How I had so many loving, caring friends.
How I could just tell people my problems.
How I was so friendly and outspoken.
How I use to laugh over nothing.
How I use to smile all the time.

Now it's so different.

I have no one I can turn to.
I don't know who to trust.
I'm so reserved.
I barely laugh.
I force myself to smile.

I ask myself everyday, what went wrong? Maybe it's karma. I never really appreciated what I had then. I just thought it wasn't good enough and acted like a sad shit all the time.

I usually brush the thought off, thinking this is just a phase and it will pass very soon. But sometimes, it's so easy to think that maybe it will be like this for a long time, if not, forever. I mean, I thought I was over this. Like 1 1/2 years ago? But I dunno.

I want to fix this. But I just don't know how.

It just makes me very sad.

and lonely.